


The Ad-Goblin (kinda)

by MadDramaQueen



Category: Heroes And Halfwits, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Heroes and Halfwits - Freeform, Maybe - Freeform, Spoilers for Season 2, however you wanna interpret it, i dunno, ish, or ep 24 for the whole series, spoilers for s2ep4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 05:38:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9868352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadDramaQueen/pseuds/MadDramaQueen
Summary: The Ad-Goblin is sick!Who will take his place??(spoilers for ep 24)





	

**Author's Note:**

> If the Ad Goblin's, er...family keeps extending, so will this fic.  
> Haha  
> Enjoy!

There's a tale of a creature that lives far away in the woods, secluded by the trees that grow ever so tall and the leaves that droop around it. They have vast knowledge of the world around them, and the benefits others could get from their services. The advanced magic and sorcery (that we know today as technology) helps them to do this. It is their mission in life to constantly remind weary travelers and those who view their adventures of ways their lives could be made easier, with a simple promo code, of course. 

We know this creature as the Ad Goblin.

It seemed that the Ad Goblin, whose name was Jack, was always up to the task of educating the same group of heroes. He was always pleased to see how the tiefling reacts. His laugh could cure the cruelest of diseases. If only that tiefling were around today. Unfortunately, the Ad Goblin came down with a nasty cold and was told to stay in bed, on a very comfortable mattress that he advertised in a previous life. He was lying in his room, a very normal sized room, with a dresser that held his ancient scroll of vast knowledge of sales and promotions. His one-horned helmet hanging on the coat rack next to his bedroom door. As he sighed, thinking about how he'd miss his heroes (or halfwits) friends on their journey today, he came up with an idea that would solve both problems. 

"Son! My son! Please come here!" the Ad Goblin coughed, his voice a little hoarse.

His son couldn't teleport yet, so he unfortunately walked over to his father's room. He was sporting the latest in fashion - if it was made by some video game entertainment company nerds, anyway. A green shirt with a strange star on it. Maybe he thought it could grant him magic.

"Yeah, dad? Oh, you don't look too good."

"I could say the same for you, Jeremy. What on Earth(?) are you wearing?" the Ad Goblin adjusted his glasses to see better.

"I dunno. You convinced me to buy it from something called a website of teeth and "cock-a-doodle-doo" birds when it was on sale for 20% off last week. I was getting the hang of using this, uh... computer, when you called me here. What's up?" 

"Son, I am unable to do my job today. I cannot spread the word of the Blue Apron to the halfwits who make their way to the Green Alchemist. They probably won't make it out alive, but we must try to get this very important message to them. You must take my place until I am well again."

Ad Goblin Lil J groaned. "Aw, come on, dad! I was gonna buy this Roomba thing you told me about for our floors. When you keep bringing in lunch, stuff gets on the floor and it's hard to clean up. I don't wanna be a boring Ad Goblin! That's your job! Get someone else to do it!"

"Son. Come here..." Jack stretched his weak arm out to his son, who reluctantly rolled his eyes and walked over to his dad.

"Junior-"

"Don't call me that, dad."

"Junior Jeremy-"

"God damn it."

"I am growing old. I've been doing this for many moons now, and I fear I won't be around to do it for much longer."

"Oh, not this lecture again. Ugh... Damn it, dad!" Jeremy ran his fingers through his hair.

"My son, one day, all of this will be yours. And you will continue on to spread the word about watches and lunches and dice used for playing some stupid game about going on adventures and role playing. Who gives a shit? Anyway, you must prepare for when that time comes. It might even be now, as I lie here in this bed, weak and helpless. Look on the dresser, Jeremy. Take my ancient scroll, provided by the store of apples. It will guide you and tell you exactly how to address the product, lest we get sued by said companies. And I don't have a lot of money to lose, Junior, so don't fuck this up."

Jeremy (who is probably gonna be Ad Goblin Jr at this point) reluctantly picked up the scroll and looked at it. Scrolling down to see what he had to say, he sighed and put it in his bag. 

"Do I have to do this, dad?"

"Yes, son. You must continue the legacy of Ad Goblins. And you must do it with energy and pride. Be excited for what you're reading, so others may share the excitement with you. Be sure to wave your arms with every magical wonder you read and always remember that the element of surprise is your friend."

"But, I can't teleport yet. Last time I tried, I ended up in the bathroom."

"And?"

"You were also in the bathroom. Which made me scarred for life, actually."

"Oh, that's a simple mistake. And breaking many rules of the sacred Guy Code to boot. Nevertheless, give it a try once you're there. You never know what'll happen. Oh! Take my helmet, son. Until I get one for you, you must wear my cloths."

Jeremy groaned as he covered his really cool looking shirt with lots of fur and pelt. He took the helmet off the coat rack and noticed the one-horn on it.

"Wanna explain this, dad?"

"I'm just gonna blame that warlock that everyone else seems to yell at. Probably stole it, the bastard."

"And I gotta wear this thing?"

"Yep."

"The whole time?"

"Yep."

"God damn it." Ad Goblin Jr reluctantly put it on his head as his father smiled through his weak state. "How do I look, dad?"

The Ad Goblin clapped his hands together. "Perfect. A spitting image of myself. Now, run along and don't miss the adventurers. Say hello to the tiefling for me!" He waved to his son who was slowly walking to the door.

Jeremy sighed as he left the house. This wasn't how he wanted to spend his day.

\-------------------------

Moments later, Ad Goblin Jack could hear the sounds of the tiefling laughing his ass off. It was as if Jack himself were telling the demon about the watches and their various movement. Jack chuckled to himself and smiled.

"That's my son."


End file.
